Who would win: Michigan’s defense playing offense, or the offense playing defense? A fourth-beer hypothetical turns into a full roster breakdown. Let the roster-building begin.
Welcome to Michigan Musings! Every Monday – at least until the start of football season – this will serve as your prime source for all things Michigan Wolverines ; a weekly digest featuring thoughts and commentary on (mostly) the top stories from the week that was. Similar to a newsletter (Brewsletter?), this will feature an assortment of stories and opinions from football to basketball to hockey to pop culture and everything in between.
Grab a cup of coffee, sit back, and let’s dive in.
Michigan offense (playing defense) vs. Michigan’s defense (playing offense)
Ordering a fourth beer is a commitment. The first beer is a courtesy. Similar to taking a seat, you’re not just going to stand there like a weirdo, and you’re also not going to sit there without a cold beverage. The second beer order takes place because you’re feeling good and the energy is great. The second beer is often a no-brainer. If you’re like me, this is right around when I ask for their preseason top-five for college football. Mine (subject to change) is: 1) Clemson, 2) Georgia, 3) Texas, 4) Notre Dame , and 5) Alabama.
The third beer order is right when you tell yourself, “Okay, one more and that’s it.” You start thinking about all of your responsibilities the next day, and how you promised your wife you would go to Target. But as the last drops of the third beer are consumed and the conversation has escalated into ranking quarterbacks and a full-on College Football Playoff discussion, you’re having too much fun to stop.
“Another Budweiser for me, please!” And now you are committed. Committed to a great evening of football hypotheticals with your boys and eventually one hungover shopping experience with your wife as you cling to life via Starbucks salvation.
Right around my fourth beer the other night, I thought, who would win in a game between Michigan’s defense (playing offense) vs. Michigan’s offense (playing defense)? It was a fun thought experiment that turned into a lively discussion, so naturally, I had to build out rosters and examine this further for Musings.
We are 75 days away from the return of Michigan football. These are the doldrums of the college football calendar, but the peak of fun, dumb hypotheticals (my wheelhouse). Like a fourth beer, let’s commit to keeping the party going and building out these rosters.
One caveat before we begin: This is mostly a proven starter/contributors draft. Yes, a few exceptions can be made, but no one really wants to discuss John Weidenbach and James Kavouklis minutes for this exercise. Now, to the rosters!
Quarterback – Rod Moore
Rod Moore has always played three steps ahead on defense and will do so again as a quarterback. Can he throw? Could any quarterback last year? Albeit undersized, Moore’s greatest strength is his mind and his deGrasse Tyson-level football IQ. Good luck disguising coverages or free rushers because there is nothing this Moore hasn’t seen before. And if pressure does leak through, Moore has the athleticism to create with his legs in the open field.
Running Backs – Ernest Hausmann, Brandyn Hillman
A backfield best described as thunder and fury. Ernest Hausmann tips the scales at 6-foot-2, 235 pounds, while Brandyn Hillman is a lean and exceptionally mean 6-foot, 200 pounds. Hausmann brings the traditional power combined with light feet, a la Hassan Haskins. Hillman will run and seek contact to fulfill his blood-thirst to deliver the big hit still. Additionally, “The law firm of Hausmann & Hillman” would be one hell of a backfield nickname.
Fullbacks – T.J. Guy, Jimmy Rolder
To clear the way for these violent bruisers, this offense needs team-first guys who are willing to do the dirty work, and boy, do I know a guy! T.J. Guy is a born leader who has bided his time to earn a bigger role (similar to Max Bredeson) and will now form a triumvirate of violence with the law firm. When Guy needs a rest, Illinois alpha male Jimmy Rolder will be ready to step in.
Wide Receivers – Zeke Berry, Jyaire Hill, Mason Curtis, Caleb Anderson
The old roster-building adage is that the wide receivers room should look like a basketball team with different shapes and sizes. Zeke Berry (5-foot-11, 196 pounds), Jyaire Hill (6-foot-2, 185 pounds), Mason Curtis (6-foot-5, 200 pounds), and Caleb Anderson (6-foot-3, 200 pounds), fulfill that philosophy to the letter. Berry and Hill are an ultra-quick tandem who can work out of the slot, while Curtis and Anderson offer reliable chain-moving targets and lethal red zone threats. Moore isn’t going to be taking deep shots or making layered throws, so footwork and separation are at a premium for this group.
Tight Ends – Jaishawn Barham, Derrick Moore, Dom Nichols
This just feels unfair. The thought of Jaishawn Barham carrying the football is enough to give a defensive back night terrors. It would be like watching Timothée Chalamet try to tackle a T-Rex. Derrick Moore is more of a blocking tight end, but don’t sleep on his athleticism. And Dom Nichols, at 6-foot-5 and 261 pounds, might have the highest ceiling of all three.
Offensive line – Damon Payne, Ike Iwunnah, Trey Pierce, Tre Williams, Rayshaun Benny
We are lacking some height, but we are bringing the BEEEEEEEEEEEF!
From left to right, we have Damon Payne (6-foot-4, 303 pounds), Ike Iwunnah (6-foot-3, 313 pounds), Trey Pierce (6-foot-2, 315 pounds), and Rayshaun Benny (6-foot-4, 296 pounds). Five guys who excel at stopping the run are not switching roles to become road graders, this offensive line’s M.O. is moving the sticks three yards at a time. Pass pro will be an issue, but with Moore at quarterback, this will be a run-heavy approach. If the protection breaks down, like we said at the top, Moore can make it happen with his feet. This offensive line’s mantra is simple: SMASH!
Defensive tackles – Giovanni El-Hadi, Greg Crippen, Nathan Efobi, Evan Link
Greg Crippen (6-foot-4, 309 pounds) and Giovanni El-Hadi (6-foot-5, 315 pounds) are going to be the anchors on the interior with a good combination of size and weight. Nathan Efobi (6-foot-3, 307 pounds) is the perfect rotational player to pair alongside Crippen or El-Hadi without any drop-off. Evan Link (6-foot-6, 328 pounds) will be a massive rotational 0-tech who can give this front some exotic looks while also shutting down the run. Unfortunately, we had to exclude Andrew Sprague from the defensive front due to being a sky-scraping 6-foot-8.
Edges – Max Bredeson, Marlin Klein, Hogan Hansen
Max Bredeson playing edge is a football sicko’s dream. With a similar measurement and temperament as Josaiah Stewart, Bredeson would be the premier edge of the group who excels at both stopping the run and rushing the passer. Marlin Klein (6-foot-6, 247 pounds) would start opposite of Bredeson and would rack up a ton of pressures with the attention Mad Max would receive. Hogan Hansen (6-foot-5, 236 pounds) would be a pass-rushing specialist and a key part of any NASCAR third-down packages.
Linebackers – Jalen Hoffman, Zack Marshall
Jalen Hoffman (6-foot-3, 235 pounds) and Zack Marshall (6-foot-4, 235 pounds) will excel at stopping the run. With the grit and tenacity they have shown in blocking, that aspect will be easy. In coverage, this duo could be limited, but with what Hoffman showed in the spring game, I wouldn’t count them out just yet.
Corners – Fred Moore, Peyton O’Leary, Semaj Morgan, and Jamar Browder
To combat the versatility across the field, these corners have to be a basketball team in their own right. Fred Moore and Semaj Morgan will help slow down Berry and Hill, while the bigger Peyton O’Leary and true freshman Jamar Browder can combat the size of Caleb Anderson and Mason Curtis.
Safeties – Bryce Underwood, Jordan Marshall, Donoven McCulley, Justice Haynes
The philosophy here is simple: start a quarterback at free safety and let the running back do the dirty work as the strong safety. Bryce Underwood will start and wear the green dot with Jordan Marshall next to him. Marshall could also be used similarly to a Don Brown “Viper” to give this defense more flexibility and play three-safety looks. Donoven McCulley and Justice Haynes will rotate in frequently to keep the starters fresh, and with McCulley’s experience at both quarterback and wide receiver, and Haynes’s innate physical style, it could be hard to discern who the starters are and who is the second string.